Weblog

Saturday, 04 April 2009

Wednesday, 25 March 2009

  • past vs. future

    these days, ive been so nostalgic. looking at old videos and photos from long ago, i couldn't help but feel like i want to go back to those times.

    but it's funny how life works. there always comes a time in the future when you start reminiscing and missing the past. not always, but for the most part, there are moments when you really want to go back to the 5th grade, or high school, or in my case, college.

    but the most weird times this occurs is when you start missing the past, even when at that time, you felt like life was ho hum, and not even all that great. for example, i started missing the time when my training here in LA just began. that would be about a month ago. why? because things were so much more relaxed at that time and without all the tests and memorizing ive been doing these days. but at that moment in time, i remember i thought everything was too much too soon, and i really didnt like being in LA at that time.

    ive been thinking about how this happens so frequently in my life and realized that while it is okay to miss the past, it sometimes can turn unbiblical, or, not the right perspective.

    in jeremiah 29:11, it says
    11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

    i think sometimes, whenever life at the present moment is rough, or "not as good as it once was", i start thinking about the past and think about how wonderful life was then. again, im not saying that its not cool to look at the past and praise God for His faithfulness and at all the good times, but if i am constantly at an emotional place where i am longing for the past again and again - it shows that i have little hope in the future, and little trust in God that He really does have so much more in store for me.

    ive been speaking to friends these days and always talked about how things long ago was so much more fun, so much more meaningful. but, ive realized that i have so much more to look forward to. like it says in jeremiah, God has plans for our future. things will always be better later on as long as you wait and trust upon the Lord. amen to that.

    anyways, thats whats been on my mind.

    in other news: ive been looking into starting a new blog on blogger.com, being that most people are ditching xanga. hmm...decisions decisions..



Wednesday, 04 March 2009

  • LIFE.

    holy crap its been a long time!

    it was kinda random that i got on my xanga, and i realized how many entries ive missed!!! well, being that only a handful were still updated, it was still surprising that xanga is still alive and well...for the most part.

    my life? well, a lot has been going on. couple of changes, and observations

    1. im in LA!! for kccc staff training. its rough and tough, but its also incredibly rewarding to finally be in a path that i think God has intended for me.

    2. i miss college!!! seriously, i thought post-college would be great, and then some. but really, college was fun and i really miss alot of the moments i had there. NOT the studying and class parts, but even sometimes, those late nights at milne or, late night runs to dennys and walmart are so missed these days. heck, i even miss the trivia nights at the bar! bah, i wish i enjoyed college more slowly.

    3. i want to go to seminary!! i realized this as ive been here, that ive always had a thirst for knowledge in the Word and doctrine. specifically, ive been getting into reformed, calvinist theology (for those that care...)

    4. im gaining weight... tis sad but true. im regaining some weight that i managed to ffend off in college. of course, not ALL of it is back (thank God), but at the rate that im going at (with all the in-n-out burgers im consuming), i think that i should start exercising again........crap.

    5. life...is good. God is so good and faithful. even in the midst of the atrocious economic situation, i seriously can thank God for everything going on right now.  it seems that a lot of people are turning to God more and more these days. which is a good thing.

    6. people/culture/things in cali are really diff. from NY. i used to think to myself, "what could possibly be the difference?"  but seriously, there is. even down to the fashion. i particularly dont appreciate the higher tendancy to see asian kids here wear those tight fitting, pastel colored jeans. okay, pharrell might lookk cool in that kind of outfit, but i dunno man. something about it screams,...feminine??

    and also, since the weather in cali is perpetually WARM (ive been wearing flip flops a lot, and short sleeves while you NY-ers are shoveling snow),  ive seen some girls wear skirts, or shorts, with...UGGS. i dunno if that is fashionable, but it just seemed counter-productive to me.

    mm. nothing much else is going on. of course, i could go on and on in detailed explanation about each point, but overall, this is what im doing post-college and post-getting laid off my job. haha.

    hope everyone in the xanga world is doing well...ill see you again in another couple of months?

Monday, 22 September 2008

  • 21 years too late?

    working in new york city definitely has its perks.
    even with the tragic and psychotic way the economy is handling itself these days, the cost of a bagel with cream cheese and a regular coffee from one of the food truck guys is a measly $1.75.

    i was almost shocked and i thought i heard the guy wrong when he told me the price. seriously, where else can you buy food that cheap these days!? and on top of that, it tastes good and the coffee is sugary sweet...although that can also be attributed to my cheap tongue.

    also, learning the streets and different parts of Manhattan and the surrounding boroughs have been a big eye opener and cultural lesson. i never knew parts of brooklyn were so chic and nice looking. apartments in bronx are affordable and the cultural vibe in the neighborhoods is energizing, and queens has some interesting neighborhoods as well.

    most asians typically wouldnt live in many of these areas.. understandably so. our parents are inherently racist. sad but true. but at teh same time, everytime i walked around these neighborhoods, i thought to myself, "i could definately live here'

    and finally, nyc is one of those places where there's always something you havent done yet.theres always something to do and the vibe in the streets is always buzzing. i guess thats one of the main reasons why people love to live in the city and most folks in the burbs dream about one day making it out here. i have a co-worker like that who schlepped all the way from miami to live in nyc. all her life she dreamed of living here. heck, she even named her dog, ny.

    i can't help but feel though, that im 21 years too late. ive been living on the outskirts of the city for all this time, and most of the places i visited in the city were my parents store in chelsea and random spots in and around nyc. but there's just so much more i havent done! what have i been doing!?!?!?

    ..and i just realized that i wrote 21 years too late, as opposed to 22. im actually 22 years old. why do i keep considering myself to be 21?

    questions...that need to be answered.




Monday, 15 September 2008

  • wilderness

    the workplace is the wilderness. you think college is tough? the real world is a harsh, cruel place. especially in the places where there's stiff competition and everyone is hustlin to make ends meet....its a dog eat dog world and its SO easy to lose yourself in the midst of it all.

    and i almost did lose myself out there. working so many hours and looking towards a PAYCHECK that i thought could give me temporary relief and happiness.

    but thank God that i was reminded tonight of the simple things in life. knowing Jesus, living for Him, and living out the blessing that he has blessed me with.

    my testimony throughout the summer has been knowing and experiencing Ephesians 2:8 in my heart. that it is the gift of God, it is by Grace that i have been saved. not by anything i did, but by what He did for me.
    but working that job...doing the daily grind almost had me forget about all that. i suddenly thought about getting a fat paycheck, paying my dues like tithing and missions support...but then going out and buying things, and saving up for things like a new car and such.

    but philippians 3 spoke to me tonight. these verses really stuck out to me the most:
     7But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. 8What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ 9and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith. 10I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, 11and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead.

    these worldy things..are all rubbish. rubbish, garbage, Paul calls it. and here i was, almost thinking that it was those things that i should live for. i should want to know Christ and his power and his fellowship.

    all this came from listening to the new chris tomlin album, speaking to various people online, and just looking up random bible verses on google. who says God doesnt work spontaneously? haha

    but seriously...it couldn't have come at a better moment. i suddenly feel so energized and re-motivated that this life i am living is temporary. i, we, are all aliens in this foreign land. we have an eternal home in heaven to look forward to. so we should live our lives to reflect that.

    we are supremely blessed to have a savior such as Jesus. to know him and be saved. but it is thus our responsibility to share that blessing with others. it isnt ours to hoarde.

    thank you Lord, for reminding me of this truth tonight.

    its a wilderness out there. i hope noone finds themself lost in it.